#358: When you hurt someone you love

And we take turns to torture each other,

Because we know not how else to make sense

Of how someone we love so much

Can bring us so much pain.

Deon

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#358: When you hurt someone you love

#334: ‘I’m not looking for anything serious’

We Asked These 15 Men To Explain What ‘I’m Not Looking For Anything Serious’ Really Means by Ari Eastman

Thanks for putting into words, what I struggle to explain to myself, what I constantly repeat to others who speculate. Though I don’t agree with all of them, I’ve to admit some of them do convey what I really mean.

#334: ‘I’m not looking for anything serious’

#307: 10 Things I Learnt in 2015

1. I learn something new every day.

2. Don’t judge a book by its cover, especially people working in the service and F&B industries. Discard the perception that people working in the service and F&B sectors “can’t study”/”have no future”/”are of lower social standing”. Times have changed; some go into culinary arts because they have a genuine passion for it. Also, even college and university students work part-time in retail and F&B to earn some extra cash.

3. There is no shame in what job you hold if you are earning an honest living. There’s this stigma regarding people working in the service line, F&B, as cleaners, construction workers, etc. After working my first part time job earlier this year, I now understand better what service and F&B staff go through on a daily basis. Their jobs are tough, involving long hours and requiring patience, tolerance, and humility. This translates to my newfound respect for cleaners, construction workers, and the like. They do the jobs that we “educated people” strive to avoid in future, but those roles still have to be filled someone, and I’m thankful and applaud everyone working in these sectors; young or old, local or foreign, regardless of background or history. The jobs they hold are just as honourable, if not more honourable, than white and perhaps, even blue-collar jobs.

4. Take/create more carefully, purposefully thought out photos. Don’t just point and shoot, or throw on layers upon layers of filters, airbrushes, and fades. Make art.

5. Being alone/spending alone time is perfectly fine. No shame in doing things by yourself. It can be liberating in fact, the freedom to do whatever you want, go wherever you want. You may also look at things with a slightly different perspective as well.

6. Be more open-minded. Make new friends, laugh at your own silliness, entertain and respect other opinions and perspectives, don’t be rudely surprised if things happen in outcomes that deviate from your schema and scripts.

7. Don’t be afraid to confide in people you’ve been friends for some time. And likewise, do the same for those people. Because, there are some things we just can’t keep to ourselves, some things we just have to talk about it with others. Get it out of our system, share the burden, support one another.

8. Invest in clothes, shoes, accessories – fashion in general – that allow you to mix-and-match with what you already have, that adds to your existing wardrobe.

9. Acknowledgement, acceptance, moving on. Sometimes, good things come to an end. We may have no control over their unravelling. We may have regrets that if we did this or that, or didn’t do this or that, things might have turned out differently. As arduous as it may be, we try our best to come to terms with it, to learn from it. It hurts, it hurts like hell. We may try and try and just fall apart when it gets too much. Then we let the dust settle, and start again. We just keep repeating this healing and falling apart until we’re okay. Specifically relationship-wise, it doesn’t mean that we don’t care about them, nor stop loving them. We still do, we still care about them very much, we still love them, we can still hope. Just with this in mind: to be fair to them and to ourselves, we gotta be what they need us to be, and we gotta be the kind of person we need to be for ourselves.

10. Be thankful and contented. Often, we get too caught up chasing after more and more that we forget what we already have, what we take for granted. In a world and time when it seems hard to feel genuine satisfaction, counting our blessings and being grateful for what we already have helps us be more at peace with ourselves. Being at peace with ourselves, is seriously underrated.

So please ask yourself: ‘What would I do if I weren’t afraid?’ And then go do it.” Into 2016 we go.

#307: 10 Things I Learnt in 2015

#290: Murphy’s Law.

Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

I was primed by my critical writing tutor yesterday about Murphy’s Law, and it’s happening to me today. One won’t look at me, the other doesn’t want to look back. I’m trying to do right by both of them, but when one behaves in this manner and the other writes in this way, I just feel myself falling apart internally.

I’ve had to let go twice now in a relatively short span of time, on both occasions I had to but I was never ready to. But they deserve better, I know that, and it breaks me to know that because I wish I were enough. If I stuck on with either, it would be unfair to them, it would be selfish of me. I guess, in my false sense of lucidity, I was rational enough to detest the thought of being unfair to them. But now, when I’m alone, somber, and really lucid, the pain of not being able to be who I want to be in their lives, is…

I can’t react now because I’m in a public place. It’s freezing, the relentless air-conditioning, but I don’t feel safe going outside, putting myself out there. I don’t know how to behave or interact with either. I was never good with handling relationships with people that end or nosedive.

Anything that can go wrong has gone wrong so far.

And I don’t know what to do.

#290: Murphy’s Law.