#358: When you hurt someone you love

And we take turns to torture each other,

Because we know not how else to make sense

Of how someone we love so much

Can bring us so much pain.

Deon

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#358: When you hurt someone you love

#345: two simple words

“I’m yours”

I never expected to hear someone say these two words to me again. The euphoria this time was slightly muted though, due to apprehension as a result of a failed past relationship. I’ve gotten mildly adept at not feeling completely, not giving my all. The mantra that rolls like an olden film projector in the subconscious of my mind, is that ‘nothing stays forever, everything is fleeting, so always be ready to let go whenever you have to, and be quick to move on’.

But these two words reappeared in my life, though not in a passionate way, I kinda like how it quietly found its way into my consciousness again. And I’m elated that I’ve found someone like her, no matter how temporary what we have may be.

We’re both simply just, living in the moment.

#345: two simple words

#344: when the dam breaks

It was all unexpected, unplanned, unforeseen. I didn’t think it lead to this; what started out as an innocent day out, turned into a day that both our lives changed. Not drastically, but we were different to each other now.

The analogy I used was that I’m like a beaver building a dam, and somehow, today [August 1] the dam broke and everything I’ve suppressed over the past couple of months just, flowed. While I tried to explain to you how I felt, truth is I was explaining things to myself.

I didn’t realise that I’ve been building walls for a while now. I didn’t realise how I’ve normalised suppressing feelings and being apprehensive towards having affection for someone. I’ve managed to convince myself that I’m not ready to get back into the game, and I still am convinced that I’m not.

But, at least I’ve told you about it; you, one of the sources of the internal conflict that has gradually become my ever present companion of late.

I still feel the burden, the burden of acknowledging that I do like someone, and that someone likes me back to. Yet at the same time, I feel relieved. We, both felt relieved, relieved that we got some things clear and out in the open.

I’m still apprehensive, to liking someone romantically, and to be liked romantically too. But it does feel good to be able to just embrace those feelings without having to go through all the mental checks I’ve honed in my mind. At least now I’ve those checks in place. I think now, I can start to learn how to balance cautiousness and passion.

Things don’t always turn out the way we think they should. Words don’t always come out the way we think they ought to. And when they don’t, we just accept them and ride along anyway.

 

#344: when the dam breaks

#343: ‘when you love someone but it goes to waste’ Part 2

‘Somehow, the limited joy of hearing “good job” from a person who doesn’t really love you is maddeningly more satisfying than the unconditional embrace of someone who truly does. “Sure,” I think, when my parents or my boyfriend surround and support me, “But they always do.” Only if I force myself can I really stop to think about what that implies. Their love is as present as oxygen, invisible and irreplaceable.’

Chelsea Fagan

Read the full article here: Never Convince Anyone That They Should Love You

#343: ‘when you love someone but it goes to waste’ Part 2

#341: Sometimes loving means letting go

‘And that was enough for him to know that even when you love someone, sometimes you do really have to let them go. No matter how much it hurt. No matter how much he wanted to fight it. He did the best thing for both of them. And that was the way that their fairy tale was meant to end.’

Alexandria Brown (Thought Catalog)

Read the full article here: When He Realized That Loving Her Meant Letting Her Go

#341: Sometimes loving means letting go