#341: Sometimes loving means letting go

‘And that was enough for him to know that even when you love someone, sometimes you do really have to let them go. No matter how much it hurt. No matter how much he wanted to fight it. He did the best thing for both of them. And that was the way that their fairy tale was meant to end.’

Alexandria Brown (Thought Catalog)

Read the full article here: When He Realized That Loving Her Meant Letting Her Go

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#341: Sometimes loving means letting go

#195: “sometimes you need to let go.”

Today God wants you to know that sometimes you need to let go. Yes, it hurts when the things or the people we love are taken from us. Make your peace with loss. Nothing lasts forever. Like the trees in autumn, you too must learn to shed your attachments and start afresh.

#note #to #self

#195: “sometimes you need to let go.”

#193: “you are what you think of all day long”

Today, we believe God wants you to know that you are what you think of all day long. Day after day your thoughts shape you like dripping water shapes rock. Pay attention to what you are habitually thinking about, – are your thoughts serving you well?

It’s starting to matter less nowadays. I haven’t been giving it as much thought lately. I’m starting to make you matter less. Distractions, I try to busy myself with them everyday. Be it something intellectually challenging, wasting my life away or when I’m fortunate, interacting with other friends and people, they’ve all helped in making me think about it and about you less nowadays.

But when see or hear anything about you, I’d still think about it a little, wish we could genuinely be alright with each other, wish that none of it changed.

One thing that came to mind today was how I’ll never mean as much to you, as you meant to me.

And perhaps I need this, perhaps I need to understand that it’s okay to lose you, it’s okay to let you and this go. Maybe I do need you to not matter to me anymore and to be okay with that. Cos maybe then, I am finally turning away from a door that has been closed and moving on to find a door that is open.

#193: “you are what you think of all day long”

#192: Fallen back into old patterns.

There’s no use denying it, now that things are like this. Things have changed and they will never go back to how they were before. I miss it everyday, as much as I try not to think about it, and everyday I futilely hope that things could go back to how they used to be. I guess some things just won’t. I guess some things will change (or have to change) because they cannot revert back to how they were before.

At this juncture, I realize that, I’ve fallen back into old patterns. I’ve gone through this sequence of events before, just with different people. Befriending, getting to know each other, talking, getting to know each other better, spending time with each other along with a group of mutual friends, talking more, spending time with each other, sharing about ourselves, growing closer…and it just stops there for some reason, all the time.

Something always breaks it all up, when everything just started to get better. What’s worrying is how it always comes so suddenly, that when I finally notice it and come to terms with it, it’s too late. Over the years I’ve been learning to try and handle this better; most recently I’ve learnt to try and talk things out. Although it has given me some temporary reprieve, I can tell from the looks of things now, that I screwed up and things have changed.

I’m tired of this cycle. I’ve been hoping that someday, I’ll finally break out of it. Then I realized two things about that earlier statement: One, that ‘hope’ seems to be the veil that masks the trigger that causes everything to fall apart all of a sudden every time; Two, ‘someday’ is just a euphemism for ‘never’ (courtesy of Knight and Day, starring Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz). And despite the resentment and apprehension I feel towards how negatively things are right now, truth is, I just really want things to be okay again.

Things have changed and they will never go back to how they were before. I can only hope that everything will be alright soon. Why hope while knowing the danger is poses? Well, it’s all I’ve got. Right now I guess I have to let go of all this for a while and just hope and wait. But I’m afraid that one day I’ll just stop waiting and just move on, leaving things unsettled and forever unrepaired. I just, really don’t want this to be the case this time, especially with you.

“After the fall
we can recover
what’s left in the dark
can still be discovered”

#192: Fallen back into old patterns.