It’s been a busy 5 months, so much so that I haven’t had time to check my wordpress. And even when I did have the time, my wordpress did not even cross my mind. I stopped expressing my thoughts, because it felt better to just let them come and go as soon as they came. A quick relief became my priority, escapism became my philosophy.
But now that I have the time, and now that my wordpress came to mind, I just want to say how tired and frustrated I am of all that’s going on. I’m on my break now, but things don’t seem to be showing any sign of slowing down at all. The academic stuff is out of the way for the year, but other matters have become more salient: my committee commitments to my dance club, settling my exchange for the next semester, and doing something about my pathetic curriculum vitae/resume before it’s too late.
I’ve always wanted to live on my own ever since I was a teenager. Though it sounds selfish, this desire stemmed from wanting to just have to care about myself. Somehow, I find it more and more tiring to live with others the older I grow. To have to consider their feelings, to meet their unspoken expectations of me, to keep them in the loop of every other thing, to explain things again and again when they can easily get it IF. THEY. JUST. PROCESSED. IT. WITH. A. LITTLE. MORE. INTENT.
(Although I admit, paying attention, as it seems, isn’t my strong suit nowadays.)
But living on my own isn’t easy either. It is so easy to fall prey to laziness when living on your own. There’s something about doing laundry, ironing, cleaning, and having to settle meals all by yourself, that just takes the wind out of your sails. I need to learn from people living independently how they do all of that, and still find the drive to exercise, pursue their hobbies and interests, and ‘have a life’.
Or maybe I just need to give myself a kick up my own ass because I shouldn’t expect anybody or anything else to motivate me.