#348: achingly beautiful

And I won’t follow you

Into the rabbit hole,

I said I would but then I saw,

Your shivered bones: 

They didn’t want me to…

It’s a terrible love and I’m walking with spiders,

It’s a terrible love and I’m walking in;

It’s a terrible love and I’m walking with spiders,

It’s a terrible love and I’m walking in;

It takes an ocean not to break It takes an ocean not to break It takes an ocean not to…break

‘It’s quiet company.’

Terrible Love‘ by The National, covered by Birdy

#348: achingly beautiful

#346: Walter Mitty

Beautiful things don’t ask for attention.’

Sean O’ Connell

Sometimes I don’t (take a photograph). If I like a moment, for me, personally, I don’t like to have the distraction of the camera. I just want to stay in it.’

Sean O’Connell

To see the world, things dangerous to come to, to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of LIFE.’

Walter Mitty

Always heartening to watch The Secret Life of Walter Mitty. Love the landscapes and nature shown in the film, and the songs curated for the film.

#346: Walter Mitty

#345: two simple words

“I’m yours”

I never expected to hear someone say these two words to me again. The euphoria this time was slightly muted though, due to apprehension as a result of a failed past relationship. I’ve gotten mildly adept at not feeling completely, not giving my all. The mantra that rolls like an olden film projector in the subconscious of my mind, is that ‘nothing stays forever, everything is fleeting, so always be ready to let go whenever you have to, and be quick to move on’.

But these two words reappeared in my life, though not in a passionate way, I kinda like how it quietly found its way into my consciousness again. And I’m elated that I’ve found someone like her, no matter how temporary what we have may be.

We’re both simply just, living in the moment.

#345: two simple words

#344: when the dam breaks

It was all unexpected, unplanned, unforeseen. I didn’t think it lead to this; what started out as an innocent day out, turned into a day that both our lives changed. Not drastically, but we were different to each other now.

The analogy I used was that I’m like a beaver building a dam, and somehow, today [August 1] the dam broke and everything I’ve suppressed over the past couple of months just, flowed. While I tried to explain to you how I felt, truth is I was explaining things to myself.

I didn’t realise that I’ve been building walls for a while now. I didn’t realise how I’ve normalised suppressing feelings and being apprehensive towards having affection for someone. I’ve managed to convince myself that I’m not ready to get back into the game, and I still am convinced that I’m not.

But, at least I’ve told you about it; you, one of the sources of the internal conflict that has gradually become my ever present companion of late.

I still feel the burden, the burden of acknowledging that I do like someone, and that someone likes me back to. Yet at the same time, I feel relieved. We, both felt relieved, relieved that we got some things clear and out in the open.

I’m still apprehensive, to liking someone romantically, and to be liked romantically too. But it does feel good to be able to just embrace those feelings without having to go through all the mental checks I’ve honed in my mind. At least now I’ve those checks in place. I think now, I can start to learn how to balance cautiousness and passion.

Things don’t always turn out the way we think they should. Words don’t always come out the way we think they ought to. And when they don’t, we just accept them and ride along anyway.

 

#344: when the dam breaks

#343: ‘when you love someone but it goes to waste’ Part 2

‘Somehow, the limited joy of hearing “good job” from a person who doesn’t really love you is maddeningly more satisfying than the unconditional embrace of someone who truly does. “Sure,” I think, when my parents or my boyfriend surround and support me, “But they always do.” Only if I force myself can I really stop to think about what that implies. Their love is as present as oxygen, invisible and irreplaceable.’

Chelsea Fagan

Read the full article here: Never Convince Anyone That They Should Love You

#343: ‘when you love someone but it goes to waste’ Part 2

#342: ‘when you love someone but it goes to waste’

There’s always this someone whom we like more than others. It could be due to attraction, out of admiration; usually begins with either one. We pursue that someone (in a platonic sense) in a way to gain an elevated social standing with them. In other words, we try ways and means (consciously or subconsciously) to become someone a tad bit special to them.

Regretfully, they don’t always reciprocate in kind, or appreciate our efforts. Usually, there’s someone else whom they like more than others and are a tad bit special to them; someone who occupies that spot that we covet. What’s frustrating is that while we only receive little validation no matter how much effort we put in, this other person doesn’t have to lift a finger to receive the care and attention we work so hard for.

So what do we do? We gently let go of them. We acknowledge that no matter what we do, we’ll never get the kind of reciprocation or appreciation we hope to receive from them. It is neither their fault nor ours; things don’t always go the way we want them to.

Instead, let’s redistribute our time and effort to those who already care for us and give us their attention. We often take them for granted; they’re often ignored or unnoticed.

Sometimes, we don’t have to keep looking in the distance. Sometimes, we just need to look around us.

#342: ‘when you love someone but it goes to waste’