#292: always too slow, but maybe I’m finally there

I’m resigned to my lot now. Okay, it’s not a lot I drew. My circumstances now, were all caused by me and me alone. I think I can finally accept the consequences of my actions now. All I could think of saying during the time we had just now was how sorry I was, for how I tried to prevent you from getting hurt but ended up hurting you beyond reparation. At least for now.

You’ve lost faith and trust in me. You’re disappointed in me. All these, I honestly don’t know how to even begin addressing or solving. Time is one thing, but what do I do as time passes? How do I regain your faith and trust in me? I will spend the time from henceforth grappling with this. I daren’t hope or expect to regain your faith and trust. I only hope that what I do from now on, will make things better rather than make things worse. Which was what I feared about after our shorter talk just now. I could sense that I didn’t say the things you wanted to hear, and what I fear made it worse was that I couldn’t identify what were those things.

But I think I’ve done enough for now. You walked past me from behind just now, and I wanted to catch up to you and reach out to you. But what would I do next after that? I didn’t have an answer. I guess sometimes, you have to let people go, not because you want to, but because you just have to. If you’re not gonna make things better, why hold them back? I burnt the bridge between us. I don’t know how to mend it, how to begin. I hope I’ll find ways to as time passes.

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#292: always too slow, but maybe I’m finally there

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