Someone I follow on Tumblr has this on her blog:
“Life is too short to spend it at war with yourself“.
I was reminded of it when I suddenly felt that I shouldn’t treat myself or indulge in myself, even in the littlest of ways such as getting a cup of frozen yoghurt (albeit with lots of chocolatey toppings).
Maybe it was my being upset with how poorly I’ve managed my time, and so I had to cram for my psychology test earlier and I have to cram again tonight (and probably tomorrow morning if I wake up early enough) for my social science research test tomorrow.
Maybe it was my being upset with how I could’ve not have to worry so much about my class participation for my media elective if I broke out of my usual pattern and used Facebook more and commented what my course mates posted on the Facebook group.
I just didn’t feel deserving of good things recently because of my inadequacies in reviewing my content regularly, taking too long to complete my school work, which combined and messed up my test revision schedule as a result. At the same time, I stopped doing the things I liked; scrolling through my Twitter timeline and Instagram feed just to name two.
Suddenly, that phrase came to mind in the midst of my restlessness as I stared at what I needed to revise for tomorrow’s test. It was around 6:00 pm and I still wasn’t motivated enough to study, so I asked myself “Ok, what am I gonna do about dinner?” I already had something in mind that I felt I shouldn’t indulge in, not when I’m in the midst of mid-term tests and I gotta be serious about my lack of preparedness.
But serious doesn’t mean I shouldn’t treat myself well. So, I got out of my room and bought for myself some Indonesian crispy chicken curry rice for dinner. Hope this will motivate me in my revision tonight.