#285: I think I weird-ed someone out tonight

Just be who you are. Don’t put on masks when you step out your door and into the world. Just be who you are. Don’t put on a facet in front of others. You shouldn’t have to pretend to be someone you’re not. Not only is it tiring, it is just not, you. Just be who you are. Don’t bother about who talks behind your bad, or pass negative remarks about you. The people who matter won’t mind, and the people who mind won’t matter. Just be who you are, then the people who stick with you in spite of who you are and for who you are, you know they’re worth it.

The thing is, what if being who I am is just too weird for others? What if I come across as creepy because of a series of things I said or did unintentionally, without running them through my mind properly beforehand, or because I acted impulsively? What if I am really weird or creepy and I’m just living in denial?

Don’t show your weaknesses, no one likes to see anyone being weak. Don’t be vulnerable, not everyone can handle¬†vulnerability. Put up a strong front, be the best that you can be in front of others. But that’s not always me. I’m flawed, I lapse sometimes, I say and do silly and stupid things that give people negative impressions of me.

I’m scared of losing new friends I’ve made, I’m scared of losing opportunities to make new friends. I’m scared I can’t cope with the academic rigour of university, even though I’m only just almost halfway through my first semester.

I’m scared that I can’t find my confidence again, it’s gone now, I’ve lost it. I’m scared that I never had confidence in the first place, that it was all just in my head.

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#285: I think I weird-ed someone out tonight

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