#253: there and back again

On the road to recovery and hoping I don’t jinx it, but the past few days have been so terrible I really gotta get it down.

Felt like a sore throat coming up last Thursday so I drank a few cups of water that evening when I got home from camp. It didn’t go away on Friday; actually it got worse. I took precautions during lunch, tried not to swallow too much mee siam gravy but I still ate FRIED and OILY PANDAN CHICKEN #genius. Felt lethargic the whole time I was in camp and when I got home I just wanted to crash. But I pulled myself up, got showered and headed over to Barney’s place for an early Christmas dinner/get together, our last in a while as well. Continued the hydration so I visited his bathroom quite a lot and I noticed what look like ulcers along the lining of my throat? Couldn’t get a good look at them but there was something in my throat. Swallowing got harder as the evening progressed, as though there were blades in my throat. Felt beat again in the car after my dad picked me up. Got home and texted Jay how I felt and being the loving girlfriend she is, she notified my dad. Dad and Mum came rushing into my room to see what was wrong and I just spilled the beans. Zoomed off to the hospital and after some preliminary checks and enduring nasty baby crying while waiting to see the attending doctor, I finally got to warm the seat of the patient’s chair. After only having a look at my throat, the doctor (and after a giggle) straightaway said I had “kissing disease“.

Both Dad and I were stunned, most probably different kinds of stunned. I was scared that Jay passed it to me, but over the next few days, I got more worried that I might have passed it to her. Ruled out the possibility of the former from my Dad’s perspective by declaring that I haven’t kissed anyone of late (I think I was successful…), Dad didn’t seem to really trust the doctor’s diagnosis and prescription from the start and I gradually became convinced of his suspicions over the next 2 days. Saturday and Sunday were HELL for me cos it FREAKING HURTS LIKE F*** whenever I swallow. I hated swallowing my own saliva the most because that’s the only thing that constantly has to go down my throat, but I also used it to test how painful those white spots still were (yup, upgrade from “ulcers” to strangely interesting but disgusting white spots). The pain from swallowing was so bad on Saturday night I hardly slept and the hours felt like days and all I kept hoping for was for Sunday morning to come so that I can eat a little bit of food so that I could take my meds.

I was pretty mind-effed already by this time. 2 things stood out most prominently during my bout of infectious mononucleosis. One was that it wavered my faith in God, again. Again another medical/biological/something-cal thing happened to me that shook my faith. I tried being more patient this time and I continued to call Him to take the pain away but the more I tried, the more fruitless my cries seemed. The second thing, which is linked to the first, was that I realized how dependent I was on my meds. I felt (as what I told Jay) enslaved to them like what drugs are to drug-doers because I relied on them to suppress the pain from the swallowing and the white spots. I felt tense and conflicted with this dependency on medication, but it sure beat a God who didn’t seem to answer my cries for help, or Whose answers were actually “no”.

Fast forward to yesterday (Monday), Dad brought me to see our regular doctor and she diagnosed me with acute tonsilitis after doing a more thorough check than the hospital attending 3 nights ago. She gave me a jab and prescribed antibiotics and anti-inflammatory meds which worked far FAR better than the meds for sore throat, anti-inflammatory mouth gargle and lozenges the hospital attending prescribed. For the record, the mouth gargle actually made me feel the pain for a longer period of time than relieving me of it. Must be due to it having EXPIRED ALREADY (but I only realized this on Sunday so…yeah…). Jay came over in the afternoon, and today as well, and was delightful company.

After this acute tonsilitis experience, I sincerely hope that neither my parents, nor Jay nor her family will EVER experience this. The suffering of having your throat hurt like blades roughing their edges out on your thorax’s inner lining EVERY TIME YOU SWALLOW hurts like f*** (I think I already said that earlier). It hasn’t done my faith any good either and thankfully Jay sacrificed precious rest and sleep time to lead worship for the youth service on Sunday in my stead. Talking about sacrifices, the credit for my recovery goes to (not just the helpful meds from my regular doctor) my dad who took very good care of me over the past few days, on top of his work and doing the household chores. All I’ve been was an additional burden to him these past few days, he must’ve lost some proper rest from worrying about me.

Unconvinced that my struggle with the white spots is finally over yet, throat still feels a little funny up till now. Maybe God can step in and see out the rest of my recovery. If not, I still got a couple more pills to go.

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#253: there and back again

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