Basically, I’m never gonna be the son you always wanted. I’m never sensible enough, never able to get my priorities right, never mature enough to spare a thought for you and mum, always selfish and self-centered, only caring about myself and my life. I know that you mean well, but at the same time, I can’t help but see the glaring hypocrisy when you tell me not to compare with others when you yourself compare me to my peers who have achieved or in the progress of achieving the expectations you’ve placed on me. I suppose that as I grew up, I also grew apart from the same wavelength as you. “Yes, we are on different wavelengths”. I know that, but I can never bring myself to admit that in front of you or talk back to you to defend myself or show how what you say hurt me. The day I do, everything will really change, forever.
So all I can do now is, take in the occasional but spiteful criticism from you about the priority-less driven life I’m leading right now, live each day by day, try to hold everything together from family to my romantic relationship to my friendships to my existing commitments, try to plan ahead and act on my plans for the future, and hopefully manage to satisfy all if not most of the stakeholders in my life.
On a side note, the reason for the title is because apart from being reminded by you how I don’t my priorities sorted out (again), I almost got charged by military law for possession of some images that shouldn’t be on my phone. I mean those are for personal consumption, but some of the restrictions of full time nation service really…sucks. I’m just thankful that God probably intervened and let me escape from this episode unscathed, albeit with disappointment and regret.