Just realized I haven’t written anything yet for the first month of the new year. Guess that shows how preoccupied I’ve been 29 days into 2014. I saw out another batch of guys who passed out as private soldiers, went to Sentosa for my camp’s anniversary, did my regimental clerk duties (3 weeks in a row going on to 4 next week >.<) and fell sick (sinus and throat infection as diagnosed by Dr. Chiew today). Oh and not to mention, reading up mindless stuff while I’m in camp or at home, trying fruitlessly to get down to picking up driving and haven’t even started to read up on psychology yet. Yup, I’m procrastination at best.
But something more significant, that surpasses all the things I’ve gone through so far this January, has been the real reason that has kept me away from WordPress. For once, the girl I liked liked me back as well.
The momentum really picked up just before Christmas last year and I had the best Christmas and New Year’s Eve in a while. We try to spend time with each other whenever we can, usually on the weekends. Some of my closer buddies from church have teased me how I’ve neglected them ever since I’ve found her. I’m learning to set aside time for them who’ve always been there for me all this while and to spend time with her as well. I’m not very good at that yet, but I’m learning. I haven’t forgotten my closer circle of friends; I just need to show them that I haven’t.
But she, she has been the best thing that has happened to me on a relationship level. I never thought that a girl would be as crazy about me as I am about her. We both have our uncertainties and fears for each other and our relationship despite our strong liking for each other. There’s just so much potential for both of us due to our tender age, that it is hard for either of us not to think what if our futures don’t involve each other. While she apologizes for times when she regresses into a little depression and melancholy, I’m actually thankful for those moments as they remind me how I am just running away from these very real uncertainties.
My parents have told me to be mature enough to know when to hold on and when to let go. She and I have agreed that we’ll always talk to each other and talk things through with each other no matter what. And to be someone she confesses who has broken down a lot of her emotional walls, it really worries me and scares me if I’m the one who will shatter her heart, and shatter her so badly it will be even harder for her to pick herself up again…
So after reading some of her blog posts (forgive me please, I never meant to intrude), I’ve decided not to leave anything to chance. I’ll never know if we’ll really last, I’ll never know if one day either one of us decides to stop having this sort of relationship, etc etc. And that’s why I want to feel everything and let her know how much I feel about her. That’s why I’m not going to leave the best, or for that matter, something better for next time. I’ll give her the best I can now.
Every day, I still can’t believe that I’m the one she likes right now. And actually, I hope I don’t lose that feeling, so that I’ll continue to like her this much every day. Because she deserves it, because I’m so very thankful, because I want to.