#219: “Be You”

Why is it so hard to be honest with ourselves about what we want and who we want it with? Why is it so hard to communicate to others about what we need from them? Doesn’t the saying go, “Ask and you shall receive” not “Ask for another thing and get the thing you really wanted anyway?” But we do this sort of thing all the time. In fact, our entire dating lives are predicated on it. You can’t say this on the first date. You can’t do that on the second date. You can’t be that type of person. You have to pretend to be this.


And that’s the thing: no one is made happier or more fulfilled by our dating culture of structured dishonesty, where we lie until we feel like we can tell the truth. When we hide our feelings from those around us and don’t go after what we really want, we ensure that the person we’re dating can’t have what they want: a simple connection with us. Finding that connection in others, even a fleeting one, is one of the reasons we exist, and you can’t do that if you aren’t being yourself. They aren’t getting to know you, just whatever version you allow them. That’s not romance. That’s the TV show Revenge.

– Nico Lang, “Let’s Start Being Honest About What We Want” (Thought Catalog)

#219: “Be You”

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