I’m a victim of such a mentality.
Because of our growing materialistic culture, the counteracting social force urges us to value things such as relationships and quality time spent with people we care about, rather than amassing wealth and keeping up with the latest fads and trends. While it is true to a certain extent intangible things like relationships may bring us longer lasting joy and satisfaction, only some will have the privilege of getting to value these things. There are others who don’t get presented with the opportunity or the situation to value the intangible things in life.
It really doesn’t help if you’re not tight with anyone, if you don’t belong to a certain group. Belonging to a group grants a sense of identity that breeds a kind of happiness in the knowledge that, there are people (not connected to you by familial relations) who give a damn about you. I’ve tried to be part of something, I’ve tried to make close friends, but they never work out. I always find myself being forgotten or remembered on the rare occasion, enjoying a smooth sailing relationship with friends till something I did or didn’t do just ruins everything.
So all I can do is watch my friends form valuable relationships with one another, spend quality time with one another. I haven’t thought in this way for a while now, letting melancholy get to me. The envy that comes with it is familiar, comfortable at times. The knowledge that everyone around me can build and preserve relationships with one another that they value even as time continues ticking on while I’m just watching on the sidelines, it saddens me a little and yet, it isn’t saddening as well.
You could say I’ve grown used to it, to being last to be picked when forming teams, to only be called up at the last minute for a meet up. You could say I’ve thrown in the towel, after being disappointed time and again as I try to make something work out with someone I really care about, but always sending it up in smoke eventually. Then all the more I have to find a way to be happy without being valued by others.
Cos the world moves on even without my participation and actually it woulsnt hurt to disconnect from the rest of the world every once in a while.