#202: self-denial

I’m good at that, in certain aspects. People point out a characteristic I possess, a behaviour I display, but I simply and continuously refute them. Yet, I know that what they identified, whether as a casual remark or an act of teasing, is actually true. But I will always deceive myself, I’ll always tell myself no I’m not like that, no I don’t feel this way. Because I need to believe that I am not that predictable. Because if I accept the truth behind what others observe about me, sometimes it shows I haven’t learnt from past mistakes, that I haven’t actually grown in maturity.

So I find that I’m a practitioner of self-denial, a trait I’ve never completely shed off, only one that keeps recurring. I only hope that I’ll have a greater resolve to make the correct choices this time. If not, I hope I can handle things with greater maturity and better this time around.

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#202: self-denial

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