The title sums up how the past week had been pretty neatly. In the span of 5 days, I’ve been in school but skipped classes for 2 days to meet deadlines. Went only for Econs on Monday & spent Math, Eng, Hist & Bio either at the benches on the ground floor or in the library rushing out my EE draft for Peer Marking (which I’m expecting my draft to be torn apart into shreds…). Today I missed lessons from the 1st class until Bio at the end of the day while salvaging Bio design IA report in the library to meet my final-of-the-final dateline which was today.
Everyday & night has generally been a bad experience for me these 5 days, apart from moments like just simply chatting with friends, a little basketball during PE, showers in the bathroom & having dinner, when I can just put aside all my daunting deadlines for just a while. Every night for the past few nights I’ve had to deal with my dad who’d for I don’t know what for, wakes up at 1 am to tell me to sleep. I mean, I should have a pretty good reason for staying up late on a school night right? I know I could’ve & should’ve finished my work earlier & be more on task so that I wouldn’t have had to burn the midnight oil, but if I have to that I have to right? Wish he’d just didn’t wake up every night to tell me to sleep. Though it was out of concern, it was quite annoying really.
Everyday in school more lessons are taught & with each passing class I get even more scared knowing that I’m lagging behind so much in my studies (just pure studies, minus all the reports & essays & assignments shit that I’ve been embroiled in since forever) & that there’s so much I don’t know. And every night when I try to do my work but fail to or gain way too little progress, it really stresses me out. I mean, this is the 1st time in my school life I’ve woken up the next day & the 1st thing that comes to mind is what’s due on that day or the next day. It feels as though I didn’t sleep actually, more like I just shut my eyes for a longer than expected period of time & was jolted up.
Last night was particularly horrible as I had 2 things due today, my Bio IA & my English essay (which I admit I should’ve finished ages ago, even though our teacher had set today as the official deadline). I thought I’d do my essay 1st & get it over & done with so I could spend the whole night & stay up to do my IA report. Guess what? I made absolutely no headway in my essay & I got really frustrated & stressed out with everything. I didn’t have much time to do my Bio IA before dad came in & did what he’s been doing the past few nights & before I found myself waking up to another school day with little progress on my IA. Hence the skipping of classes today.
And while I rushed my Bio IA report in the library earlier, I was constantly hounded with thoughts of hopelessness, stress, fretting over how in the world I was gonna get in done in time. To add to that, I was freezing my ass off cos I was too engrossed with fretting over my report that I didn’t bother getting my sweater.
My general experience this week has been really horrible. I really really hope to avoid a repeat of this in the coming weeks, though I actually anticipate more of such drama & despair to continue… I am grateful though for how today ended: hanging out with Gerald, Zenn, Amanda, Shen nen after school, talking cock & watching Key & Peele and Russell Peters with Shiv, Ershad & BC before dance, and dance itself though we didn’t do much really. I’ve had to skip dance twice this week in an attempt to meet this week’s deadlines. It’s a shitty feeling really.
That same person made the same passing remark at me again today. “So weak“.
It’s been a mad school week, & it’s only gonna get worse from here. But I’m thankful for friends like Amanda (another one) who’d say “Hi” every time we passed by each other along the corridor, classmates who covered me when I missed lessons on Monday & today and Nat Chia for a wonderful message. I think they’re more, but I’ll just list these few 1st. Even now, work still dominates my mental realm as I write this. I just hope I get both a good rest & that this weekend will hopefully, finally be, a productive one.