#112: i’ve been there before

Something happened during English lesson on Thursday that struck something inside me of some sort. Our teacher wanted us to get into groups of 3 for some research & it was down to the remaining three 2s, 2 guys, 2 girls, & my friend and I. The first 2 didn’t wanna budge, so I was telling my friend that why not we be the ones to split up to make the decisions easier for them. The 2 guys & 2 girls then hesitated before the guys chose me, leaving my friend to go with the girls.

After that, my friend got a little upset with me, saying that neither of any of our past classmates (we were classmates in upper secondary) would have done what I did, which I guess he perceived as ‘abandoning him’. He kept harping on it for a good 5 full minutes before the lesson ended 10 minutes later. When we got out of class, he was sorta lamenting about himself being the last to get chosen & when we caught up with the 2 girls, he was questioning 1 of them that she wanted to choose me at first. Well, I can imagine the spot she was put into that moment.

I’m not trying to criticize my friend here about how petty he was, but rather that situation struck me because truthfully, i have been there before. I’ve been there, in my friend’s position, of being chosen last, or I should put it as I’m not someone people would consider at firsthand or second, or third or fourth. I usually get chosen, remembered, noticed, only when someone slightly closer to me in the past or even someone whom I’m just simply friends with, sees me among everyone else.

That happened a lot for PE (Physical Education) over the years I’ve been in secondary school & last year in my 1st year of IB. It has happened before in other contexts, and sometimes more than once. But I suppose, for my friend, who’s on some sort of  ‘amicable terms with everyone’, it was quite hard for him to swallow. As for myself, perhaps I’ve just gotten used to it, perhaps I’ve just grown into.

On a slightly different plane, I’m still telling myself, to accept that I may be nice to others, show care towards others, but those people may not appreciate it, much less reciprocate it. I’m still telling myself to accept that though I’m ok with them, they may actually be not ok with me. I’m still learning to accept that, still learning…


on a side note, dance preparations for CNY concert have been bruising, tiring but extremely fun!

#112: i’ve been there before

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